Left out

Such is the life of a new mom.

It might my own pessimism that seems to have clouded my mind the last few weeks, but I feel more alone then ever when it comes to friends. Because I was the first one to have a baby in my group of friends, I feel like there is so much misunderstanding about what I am interested in, how much free time I have, how to even be my friend now. What a culture I live in where everyone wants to see the baby the first two weeks of their life (forget about how mom feels) and then disappears until the maybe special occasions. I wish I lived in a society that reached to new families and surrounded them with the support they need.

Before I gave birth, I will admit that I would tend to be the one to reach out to people. Despite struggling with having friendships that weren't necessarily reciprocal, I accepted that. If I didn't put myself out there, make the plans with people, I would have to live with the fact that I may not have friends. Always the instigator. And I did have close relationships. But after having A, I rarely have time to reach out more than an offhanded Facebook message. My needs are different now; I either need to go out after baby goes to sleep at 7 PM or get home before I have an overtired, fussy, screaming child. I would gladly welcome any invitation to escape for a few hours.

So not only do I have to lean on my husband for almost all of my physical and emotional support, all the friendships that I had seem like they are indefinitely on hold.

"I think everyone just assumed you'd be on baby duty."

I feel like no one reaches out to me. It's so isolating.