LONG TIME NO SEE || REAL TALK

I almost don't know how to start this blog. I feel embarrassed (even if it's unwarranted). I keep asking myself why it is so hard to keep consistently producing content. My last post here was literally 6 months ago and then only a link to my YouTube channel. The channel faired a little bit better as I was able to keep making videos until about 2 months ago (You can check out some of the more recent videos: Andromeda's Totoro Themed Birthday party HERE or Karl's attempt to do my make-up HERE). But even that has tapered down to nothing and it's difficult to not be hard on myself.

Can you believe this one is 2??

And then I remember, I JUST HAD A F**KING BABY. Why do I keep comparing myself to all these people that do this for a living? They pitch their lifestyle in daily vlogs or perfectly posed pictures done with a $$$ camera or professional photographer. Why, oh why, do I keep comparing myself to them? I hate the current trend with obsession of personality which is why I deleted my Facebook. Your brand is a narcissistic reflection of you. I think I'm so annoyed by it because its so hard to avoid being drawn into it. Human nature is a bitch.

Big Sis meets Little Sis

Let me give myself some real talk for a second.... You have a two year old whirlwind of a toddler. You have a new 8 week old baby girl. You are exclusively breastfeeding and it is HARD. You are only just starting to get into a routine and your husband just went back to work so you are all by yourself. In three short weeks you are going back to your full time job as an engineer who is the breadwinner of her family. So you can't be the coolest blogger/youtuber/guru ever. GET OVER IT.

It's ok to be average and not a special snowflake. In fact, more people should probably embrace it. They would be a lot happier.

So honestly I don't really know the point of this post or what the future of the blog is. I want to continue it I really do, but at the same time I have a life crammed completely full and I want to be present for all the ups and downs of that as well. I don't really know if I have any goals, and I don't know if I want to set any. I think my favorite thing about blogging or making youtube videos is the chance to look back on that fleeting moment in my life, and I have to remember that when I feel the pressure to conform or perform. But I think I like those memories so much that it's so hard not to try and pick up the baton again.

I guess I just wanted to get my thoughts down on the page, or in the cloud, or whatever. It has been hard to find my niche when I am still trying to find myself. I hope to post my thoughts or glimpses of my life here. Maybe every other week. Maybe once a month. We'll see.

xoxo,
Kevlyn